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Jokes2Go.com Daily Humor
  • Today's Joke
    The angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk of
    alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," she
    barked, "there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in
    at six o'clock in the morning?"
    "There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."

  • Today's Story
    Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless,
    and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

    A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and
    March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added
    late fee and interest on the monthly charge.

    The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

    A family member placed a call to Citibank:

    Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

    Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
    apply."

    Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

    Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

    Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

    Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her
    to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

    Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

    Citibank: "Excuse me?"

    Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about
    her being dead?"

    Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
    Supervisor gets on the phone:

    Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

    Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
    apply."

    Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

    Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

    Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)

    Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

    Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)

    After they get the fax:

    Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I
    can do to help."

    Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just
    keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

    Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

    Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

    Citibank: "That might help."

    Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."


    Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

    Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

  • Today's Poem
    A sweet young strip-dancer named Jane
    Wore five inches of thin cellophane.
    When asked why she wore it,
    She said, "I abhor it,
    But my cunt juice would spatter like rain."

  • Today's Quote
    I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.


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